I believe the one thing that you surely have forever is YOU. External things are completely out of our control. The one thing you can have complete control over is YOUR thoughts, YOUR actions & YOUR reactions.
Once you get a grasp on that, you’ll find that there is no need to control anything else EVER, cause inside you’re as ‘cool as cucumber’. But to achieve this you need to spend time on your own to hear what’s rushing about in your head. Often we ‘need’ other people to escape ourselves, but you follow ‘you’ wherever you go.
So why not spend time alone to mould yourself into the best possible version of you? If you feel unable to spend time with you, this a sure sign that is exactly what you need to do. I mean, if you can’t be comfortable spending time with you how is anyone else meant to? This was all my own mind chatter in the days where I had to feel I had control over it all, although I had absolutely no control over myself back then. These words I’m sharing are what has helped me along my journey, the thoughts are the food I used to send into my body. Now Solitude is my medicine. It’s become my new ‘healthy addiction’. I live better with it than without.
You are your own forever and ever, and once you’re completely comfortable with this idea of Solidarity and that wholeness that comes with it, that will then spread to those around you. It’s such an amazing feeling, to feel free and completely whole around whoever you meet. I must admit I still suffer with times of not always feeling ‘whole’, but it makes the times that I do, feel more fruitful.
I come from a past of lots of loss. I learnt that nothing is forever from a very young age. For many years I toyed with this idea in my mind. From a young age I always enjoyed spending time with me, and the ways I did that haven’t changed to this day as I sit here in my 40th year.
My Solitude time would include playing my favourite song real loud, and singing even louder, prancing in front of the mirror like I was the next undiscovered ‘thing’. I always kept a journal from the age of 6 and still do every now and again. I was lucky these techniques just ‘came’ to me. They saved me.
Not many years ago I rediscovered my Journals from way back then. Wow what a trip down memory lane, and how interesting to hear my tone. It was funny cause in my journal’s I unleashed this side of me that no one else heard or saw. I was still the ‘real’ me with my friends, but just a different version. I used my writing to let out the other side, and that side, was personal. It was hard to talk to people my age about the thoughts in my head cause they’re early life experience was different.
Rediscovering my patterns then, and seeing that not many of them had changed was a real knock on the head. I often used writing as ‘escapism’ and the years where the writing started to vanish I then turned to the party antics for ‘escapism’ and the floodgates opened wide, lemme tell ya! It was a long and bumpy road but it brought me back to my center. It taught me that I needed to back way way off from the life I was living and re-connect with me. I pretty much completely isolated myself for 7 months to heal, and it was thee best cure ever. Writing came back into my life…
Now life feels pretty well balanced. I spend time with people and I equally spend time alone. When I feel I’m spending too much time with people I back off and hide away, try to re gather and re connect. We gotta keep some energy for us and this is what Solitude does for me. I’m a big believer in the mind/body connection and this is what I practice when I’m alone. I feel so much space being alone, and I love lots of space 😉 But there are also times when I meet friends and they fill me up so beautifully.
It’s all a balance.
